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g00ber
07-05-2007, 08:48 AM
ATM Instructions

A new sign in the bank lobby reads : Please note that this bank is installing new drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.


MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash & receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off

FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse car the required amount to align car window with machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents onto passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to it's excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary; with your PIN written on the inside of the back page
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in cheque register and place receipt in back of cheque book.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cah machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty handbag, locate card holder, and place card in slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 - 3 miles.
27. Release hand brake.

freedom
07-05-2007, 08:52 AM
Funny...but there be a few of us females that follow the male rules on the ATM...lol

Hell I get impatient waiting on the damn receipt to print

g00ber
07-05-2007, 08:56 AM
LOL i'M GONNA GET HELL FOR THESE JOKES :)

freedom
07-05-2007, 09:05 AM
but of course :)

davesmistress
07-05-2007, 10:08 PM
hahha very cute indeed

Deputy Duffy
07-05-2007, 10:53 PM
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO true~

wizardwriter
07-05-2007, 11:03 PM
What joke?
Hell, I been behind her plenty of damn times-

But I usually don't raise too much hell, happened in a check out line, lady was short a dollar or so, digging through her purse, wondering what she's going to put back I give the cashier 2 dollars, and the old lady goes on and on, wants my name and what not (even keeps the change)- I tell her it's cool, don't worry about it-

She leaves and this cute little cashier is going on about how nice of me, and the missus finally goes, 'Please, he's a fuckin' asshole, and just didn't want to stand in line any longer.'

Cashier is going 'no oh no, it was so nice'

I give her a shrug. 'No, she's right, I'm definitely an asshole, and didn't want to stand in fucking line.'

She wouldn't believe me or the wife

jaguar
07-08-2007, 08:46 AM
Too true.......sorry