View Full Version : Secrets

07-07-2007, 05:59 AM
OK...here's an idea

Why don't everyone tell one secret about themselves.

No it doesn't have to be a big huge deep secret just something that you don't tell or tell many.

Like a sexual fantasy or something embarrassing.

I'll start.....

When I was getting drunk with a female friend of mine and her boyfriend she tried to kiss me...lol...I dodged it and she kissed my forehead...lol

I was very embarrassed...lol

Now who's next????

07-07-2007, 06:37 AM
me me me me

ermmmmmmm...........I have crabs.......I keep them in a bucket :):)jk

I crashed my car and didnt say anything to my wife for 3 days, when she noticed she thoguth someone had hit the car when she was out shopping and I just let her keep thinking that. I'm a naughty boy :P

07-07-2007, 06:39 AM
lol....very naughty...thanks for sharing :)

07-07-2007, 06:49 AM
bummer freedom- hell, I'd pay to see that-

I don't about it being a secret but had this old Colorado cowboy buddy in LA (we ran some minor cons together) and he knew I was a farmboy and he got drunk at one of my parties and starts talking about fucking chickens when he was a young'un-
I'm like 'dude that ain't even cool'
He says, 'Come on, you can't tell me you never fucked no chickens. My pa would get mad cause it killed some, and forget about them laying eggs.'
Well, it's like fuckin' E.F. Hutton, dead quiet, music stopped everything
I repeat, 'Dude, ain't cool, and I didn't fuck no chickens.'
He preceeds to explain in vivid detail how it's done to all these city folk, and it might be the only time I was truly embarrassed- And our wives, I swear if either had a gun they'd emptied it in his ass-
Was funnier than hell, but I didn't like being thought of as a chicken fucker-

now top that- (it's not a secret because I've told the story a hundred times, and swear to christ it's true).

07-07-2007, 07:04 AM
that's hilarious :)

07-07-2007, 07:12 AM
yea good one wizard

07-07-2007, 07:28 AM
Oh, I remembered a secret,
back in the mid-70's I go across the street to the liquor store for some tequila and someone has left their car running so I steal it, (obviously they needed to be taught a lesson) take it down to an acquaintance and sell it, get back to my apartment and my buddy and his wife from two doors down are there drinking my beer. He's bitching to my wife some prick just stole his new car when he ran in to get a 6-pack-
Never told a soul, and didn't even whine about him drinking all my beer

07-07-2007, 10:56 AM
I have a secret, My now ex wife, wanted to spice up our sex life and wanted to try some food sex. She asked me to put some grapes up her pussy and told me to eat them as she squeezed thenm out.

Well the secret is that I put up 20 grapes and only ever found 15. I never told her about the other five and guess what? two weeks later she ad a very bad case of viral thrush. I convinced her that she must have picked up the germ from a toilet seat.

I still shudder when I look at the red grapes in the fruit shop.

07-07-2007, 04:36 PM
That's funny niteowl (you never said during the divorce 'Oh yeah, about the grapes...)
Goober, I always drove a work truck never had to worry about an extra dent- I came out of a store and some young thing is at my truck crying to beat all hell and her dad is there- she has a learner's permit and nailed my passenger door trying to park her little piece-of-shit VW bug-
I open the door, and it works just fine, just has a big-ass dent- she won't quit crying and he's going on how he'll take care of everything he doesn't need any trouble, like I'm going to beat his ass-
I say, 'Just calm down both of you I don't give a shit, just back up so I can leave-
she sniffles, 'what about the dent?'
I say, 'matches the other side, now go away.'
He says, 'what about the cops?'
I chuckle, 'Hell, you don't tell, trust me I sure as fuck won't, no problem, now go away.'
she's thanking me, and my god damn beer is getting hot, I say 'fine, fine, just back up and go over there and practice a bit more'- wife never asked about it

07-07-2007, 04:45 PM
When I was a senior in high school , bunch of my friends and I in middle of the night tp high school, little later we egged one of the girls ex boyfriend house.

07-07-2007, 04:57 PM
haha wizard methinks the daughter didnt have ********* for the car hence the intense desire not to involve the cops:)

07-07-2007, 05:30 PM
goober- back then no one did, I just wanted a beer
gypsy- nice to see a lil' bad girl in ya'll

07-07-2007, 08:02 PM
Wizard- that was the worst thing we ever did.But would have to say it was a fun night I know thats awful thing to say but its true

07-07-2007, 09:21 PM
If TP on the high school and egging a house is the worse you ever did...lol...you're a saint Gypsy!

07-07-2007, 09:22 PM
Gypsy- I found out a long time ago bad can be fun-
Had a buddy that worked at a chicken farm- when sorting the eggs all the bad ones he saved til Halloween- when we egged something it was a major mess (some were powdered) and it stayed egged, stink would last a week-
my future brother-in-law's family owned a grocery store, used to sit up on the roof and pick off passing cars with bad tomatoes or potatoes

07-07-2007, 10:21 PM
Freedom - I 'm nowhere near being saint. :)

wizard- I can't image smell of those eggs

I got caught necking in front of a car by cop with not much on.

07-07-2007, 10:31 PM
When me and my ex first met and moved our relationship to where we were having sex....we went to an overlook in the national park several times and it never failed...right as we were going good a park ranger would knock on the window.

07-07-2007, 11:00 PM
gypsy- around here you're a lil' ol' saint, trust me-
eggs were bad, we're in the back of the truck pitchin' eggs, and a dude we know passed us, flipped us off and in no time we're drag racing down the strip. Finally get close, we're doing about eighty, so I throw my egg which doesn't even come close, and my buddy on the other side throws his, hitting me in the damn back, then steps on the damn carton-
Lost my first decent meal in days off the back of the truck, had to throw away my best Levi jacket after 2 weeks of trying to clean the damn thing, luckily I was wearing tennis shoes instead of my harness boots, cause they went too- (reckon that's karma)

freedom- I think that's one of their perks they sell folks on getting the job- you know I'm no conspiracy nut, but I'm telling you they wait til they know you're damn near there, then rap on the window, cause that's how they get their cookies

07-07-2007, 11:11 PM
I think your right...lol

07-07-2007, 11:30 PM
Hell, Freedom, I got be right once in a while, it's the law of averages

07-07-2007, 11:40 PM
Hummm I am rather boring...my biggest secret is one I cant really give to many details about...lets just say I had a friend in the Big House for quite a few years that I visited on a regular Weekly basis.....they called him Deadman and me Bigmama.

He was not a very good boy either....;)

07-07-2007, 11:55 PM
Big house? You mean a Bed & Breakfast DM? hahaha
Nothing wrong with a jailhouse romance, unless he gets out- hahaha

07-08-2007, 12:15 AM
Hahahah no wasnt a Romance.....I met him while in local County, then went from Prison to Prison for 5 years....he got moved alot....Maximum Security was the most interesting....:)

07-08-2007, 12:26 AM
Hey, the hell? DM, did you read the title to this thread, spill, don't leave me hanging-
I know you liked the cavity search at Max security

07-08-2007, 12:35 AM
Hahahaha I didnt have to have that extensive cause they thought I was a good girl...:)

But I did have to have the surprise shakedown....and boy the dogs did not like my car.....HUmmmmmm I wonder why?

07-08-2007, 01:09 AM
I did some Air Base housing and they had surprise checks with everyone, me twice as much as the rest, and got nosed in the nuts by a shepard or two-

Worse one we were driving my father-in-law's car, he needed my truck, and we got spot checked- I look at the missus, 'your old man holding still.' He just bought a shitload of flake-
I'm going through the asstray eating roaches- and the fucking dogs go nuts- out of the car we go and they turn the mutts loose- there's a quarter of a nasty mayo&tuna sandwich under the seat- So, soldiers are like, oh this is all it was and luckily quit searching-
We not only got on base we got rid of that nasty fuckin' stink-

07-08-2007, 01:16 AM
hahahahaha...Well it wasnt Tuna under the seat....hahahaha but I did do a bit of fast talking.....:)

07-08-2007, 01:32 AM
Actually there was a half ounce baggy under the seat- he'd stashed when he went through a CHP check and forgot it- When he heard the story he remembered- plus brought in 3 keys of flake under his spare tire-
I didn't take his car on base no damn more, or aywhere else- I don't like Maximum Security

07-08-2007, 09:27 AM
Wizard- I think maybe your right, do think I could lose that saint hood . lol

07-08-2007, 10:18 AM
Hell Gypsy that makes me right twice tonight a new record.
Well you try to hold on to your sainthood long as you can, and wouldn't hurt to stay away from crazy bastards like me- I have a tendency to corrupt young ladies and soon they're laughing at my abuses of the law and complete skewed slant I have on life in general- and some of my stories really push it to the edge, but I have good ones too,
So, have fun, but carry a cross or maybe some garlic
keep writing and reading
PS- it is a fun site
See you around
Saint Gypsy nah I like Gypsy Saint, in a month it'll be Gypsy Devil

07-08-2007, 01:15 PM
ha ha I will have to run out and get some garlic already have a cross.this is a fun site and everyone is freindlyI really enjoy it!

07-08-2007, 05:30 PM
Gypsy- To get you on the right road go over to the damn thread and vent-
if you haven't joined the other 'sister' site- do so- most of the same crazies are over there- and it's fun too- go to the 'fuck' thread for venting-
see you around, have fun

07-13-2007, 03:07 AM
Well, one day about three years ago while I was out shopping with my girlfriend, we happened to pass some kids in a supermarket, stuffing their underwear full of candy. We had a quiet laugh and walked away as if we never saw a thing.
About five minutes later they were discovered after the some of the chocolate started to drip down their legs.

Oh, that was a fun day.

07-13-2007, 03:35 AM
So, i guess they got to keep the candy, right?

07-13-2007, 07:42 AM
Gypsy becareful about taliking to wizard- about losing anything, cos if saint hood is like virginity, Knowing Wizard he would be there like a shot...lol

07-13-2007, 08:15 AM
Hey niteowl i resemble that remark- and i'm not entirely useless I can always be used as a bad example

07-13-2007, 07:38 PM
niteowl2003- You mean the garlic and cross won't help . oh no

07-13-2007, 08:51 PM
The only thing that helps is if you pitch your panties the opposite way you're headed, I love ladies in panties-
Oops, that might not help, cause I love ladies out of their panties too-
Well, if you ask me, it's worth a try- hehehe

07-13-2007, 08:56 PM
lol so no matter what I'm in trouble.

07-13-2007, 09:05 PM
Damn gypsy, I bet niteowl $20 bucks I could get you out of your panties- What? it's the devil in me-
Anywho- what do you say we split the winnings, you can have all of it, if I get to keep your panties- I'm easy!

07-13-2007, 09:09 PM
oh you don't want my panties dear, but i take the 20

07-13-2007, 09:31 PM
(Oh damn, screwed twice, and I get nothing (Well, no secret here, this happens to me all the time, deep sigh) And it was over so quickly).
So Gypsy, (big smile, to hide tearing up) been writing?

07-14-2007, 01:16 AM
We know you're easy wizard, that's why you're here:D

07-14-2007, 01:25 AM
Damn, so it ain't a secret?

07-14-2007, 01:27 AM
that's right:D

07-14-2007, 03:38 AM
Wizard- I know you're dispointed about the whole panty thing but look at the bright side you wont have carry around boring white cotton undies

07-14-2007, 03:54 AM
Carry? I wasn't going to carry them anywhere, hehehe
Stop teasing me Gypsy Saint, on second thought are you sure they're white? maybe I should check, then I could tell you if they were boring, I'm sure you're supposed to get a second opinion on these things

07-14-2007, 04:06 AM
Oh alright I stop teasing. (pouts a little ) And I 'm sure their boring

07-14-2007, 04:47 AM
Um-m, Nope nothing boring there, just sweet sweetness- love seeing a lady in panties, yum,yum, and I'll give you a second opinion any time Gypsy dear

07-14-2007, 04:50 AM
lol...mine are easy to carry...their thongs...can't stand regular panties anymore

07-14-2007, 04:57 AM
Thought I left you tied up, darling and already know about your sexy thong

07-14-2007, 05:10 AM
lol...think we're talking about 2 different thongs dear...lol

07-14-2007, 06:17 AM
Not this time.

07-14-2007, 02:02 PM
You are better with edible undies :D that way I can lick them until get through to the honey :p

07-14-2007, 04:08 PM
Um-m, get 'em wet enough goober they're all edible, and fiber is an important part of your diet- Just another tip from Mr. fuckin' Wizard

07-16-2007, 09:41 AM
When I was living at the 'Crackhouse' I used to be afraid of coming out of my room to use the bathroom. Now, before you say anything, my room was located outside of the house, like an extension, just without a seperate toilet. So I'd have to go outside and interact with scum if I wanted to piss. SO what I did was piss in a mountain dew 2L bottle that I had in my room just so I didn't have to look at anyone's face.

When I decided to leave the place, I had about 3 of those bottled filled up. On my last day there, I poured the bottles out over the carpeted area that connected the extension rooms to the main house. Did they deserve it? YES!
God knows what they've stolen from me, and not to mention all the coke they allowed people to do in my room while I was away.

07-16-2007, 10:39 PM
Thanks for sharing...glad to see you floating around again.

07-17-2007, 04:20 AM
something's screwing with the posts

07-17-2007, 04:23 AM
knew a sheetrocker who used to piss in milk cartons then seal them in the wall- would take a couple months for the carton to start leaking- not sure if he got too many repeat customers

07-18-2007, 11:27 PM
Weeeeelll, never crashed a car or anything like what some of you have done. However, being an ex-military person... In the winter when we lived in our arctic tents our backpacks/rucks were along the guidelines leading off at an angle from the doorway. It was used to help support the tent. So anyways, the rule of thumb was when it became very blowing snow we put a glowstick at the designated pisspoint - so you knew where to go. This one time we had a knob for a boss and his rucksack was yellow the next morning. And he didn't get the hint. The next morning his mukluks were put into the snowbank and filled with... yellow snow. He finally got the message. Laugh, you ask? Hysterically for days afterwards.

07-19-2007, 12:38 AM
So, it's not just watch where the huskies go, up there

07-19-2007, 05:20 PM
So, it's not just watch where the huskies go, up there

That would be correct. Don't piss the troops off or they piss on you. Literally or figuratively. Had one idiot boss who didn't realize that his signaller had been putting trace amounts of naptha into his coffee over a couple of weeks in the Arctic, so when he had a coffee from another section his words were, "This tastes funny." I have never dived into a snowbank so fast to muffle my laughter, snowshoes and all.

08-21-2007, 10:13 AM
niacin tablets work cool too-
just a little bump and put it in circulation

08-22-2007, 10:33 PM
I remimber when the nurs asked me to pee in the cup well i didnt have to pee she asked me over and over till i finaly took a can of sprit and pored it in the cup, she took the cup and didnt thank a thing about it,
I just wonder what the lab report said . lolol:D :D :D :D;co ;co

08-22-2007, 10:41 PM
Hhahaha now thats priceless...hahahaha