View Full Version : Having A Bad Day- jokes

08-02-2007, 04:15 AM
BlueGirl sent these to me, was too busy to post, and I got a kick out of them, so here they are:

Having a Bad Day?

In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the
same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 a.m., regardless of
their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to
do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why
the deaths occurred around 11:00 a.m. on; Sunday, so a worldwide
team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.

The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 a.m., all of the
doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for
themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were
holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to
ward off the evil spirits.

Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time
Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support
system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

Having a Bad Day????

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil
spill in Alaska was $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the
most expensively saved animals were being released back into the
wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in
full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a Bad Day????

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking
frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of
wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle.
Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him
with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm two places.
Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

STILL think you're having Bad Day????

Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending
pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two
thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence,
stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

What?? STILL having a Bad Day????

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter
bomb. It came back with "Return to Sender" stamped on it.
Forgetting it was the bomb; he opened it and was blown to bits.

There now, feeling better?

08-02-2007, 04:20 AM
Another one found by BlueGirl:
yes the little cutie has too much time on her hands-

Subject: Baby's First Doctor Visit

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for
the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.

The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and
being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or
bottle-fed? "Breast-fed, "she replied.

"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did. He
pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a
while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed The doctor said, "No wonder this baby
is under-weight. You don't have any milk."

"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came.

-thanks BlueGirl, you nut-

08-02-2007, 07:13 AM
hahaha brightened up my day anyway

08-02-2007, 11:45 PM
Yeah, but you're easy goober-
how did hamish like them?

08-03-2007, 02:35 PM
The police in Liverpool, announced yesterday that they had caught three of the four scouser Islamic terrorists they have been seeking...

Yes they caught Bin Thievin, Bin Muggin and Bin Dealin.

They admitted they were at a loss to find anything to do with Bin Workin..

08-03-2007, 03:18 PM
nice one niteowl, that's better than we've done over here, but I think it has to do with the head of our new Homeland Security' -Bin Jackin' off
Not to worry his job title does not seem to be in jeopardy-
just yeaterday our President Bin Screwin' the Pooch gave a ringing endorsement to his hand
picked advisor stating 'Bin Jackin' Off has the job well in hand, and has pleased me more than once in his endeavors'-
see ya niteowl

08-03-2007, 03:54 PM
Stop it! Hoooowwwwwllllllll! roflmao......

08-03-2007, 06:49 PM
hamish is still laughing, and yes I am easy:D

08-03-2007, 07:01 PM
know you're easy goober, but gettin' a chuckle outta Hamish ain't an easy thing to do,

unfortunately, my last posting is no joke see my last story below

08-03-2007, 07:06 PM
well haggis dont actually laugh, its more of a gurgle

08-03-2007, 07:45 PM
yeah, me too, but think most of mine might be gas