View Full Version : Jokes

09-24-2007, 04:20 AM
What do you call an incestuous nephew?

An aunt-eater.

09-24-2007, 04:21 AM
One night, three guys are at a bar talking and they all think their wives are cheating on them.

The first guy says he thinks his wife is screwing a plumber because he found a tool belt under his bed.

They all agree, and the second guy tells his story. He says he thinks his wife is screwing a judge because he found a robe and gavel under his bed.

They all agree, and then the third guy says, "That's nothing! My wife is the worst! I came home and found a cowboy under my bed. I can't believe she's screwing a horse."

09-24-2007, 04:22 AM
How much calcium is in a woman's breast?

Enough to make a bone eight inches long.

09-24-2007, 04:23 AM
A mafioso's son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new..." He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws it away.

He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new..." He again looks at it with disgust and throws it away.

He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother's room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, "Dear baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again..."

09-24-2007, 04:24 AM
A man is driving down the road and notices a car in the ditch. He doesn't usually help many people so he drives on by. Then he notices that a pretty woman is the driver so he goes back to help.

As he is hooking his truck to her car he says, “You know, you are the first pregnant woman I've ever helped out of a ditch.”

“But I'm not pregnant,” she says.

“Well, you're not out of the ditch yet,” he says.

09-24-2007, 04:24 AM
Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives?

Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.

09-24-2007, 04:26 AM
Why did the gypsy walk funny?

Because he had crystal balls.

09-24-2007, 04:28 AM
Hahahahah I love corny jokes...those are great....thanks

09-24-2007, 04:50 AM
Why do farts smell?

So deaf people can enjoy them, too.

09-24-2007, 05:02 AM
hahhahha Gross

09-24-2007, 05:04 AM
A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy foreign ambassador during lunch at a very expensive restaurant in New York.

The ambassador was so enthralled by the beauty and presence of this secretary that he asked her to marry him. The secretary was startled, but remembered that her boss told her never to insult foreign dignitaries, so she decided to let him down easy.

"I'll only marry you under three conditions."

"Anything, anything," said the ambassador.

"First, you must buy me a 14-karat gold wedding band with a 72 carat diamond, along with a 28-inch studded matching necklace for our engagement."

Without hesitation, the ambassador picked up his cellular phone, called his personal accountant, told him the instructions, and said, "Yes, yes, I buy, I buy!"

The secretary thought that her first request was too easy, so she thought of a more difficult situation.

"Second, I want you to build me a 58-acre mansion in the richest part of the Hamptons along with a 40-acre summer home in the sweetest vineyards of France."

The ambassador picked up his phone, called his personal broker in New York, then called another broker in France, and after his quick conversation, he said, "Yes, yes, I build, I build!"

The secretary was very startled, and knew she must think of a final request that would be impossible to live up to.

"Finally," she said. "I'll only marry you if you have a 10-inch penis."

A sad face befell the ambassador, and he cupped his face in his hands. After weeping in his native language for a few minutes, the ambassador slowly lifted his head and said, "Ok, ok, I cut, I cut!"

09-24-2007, 05:05 AM
A young magician started to work on a cruise ship with his pet parrot. The parrot would always ruin his act by saying things like, “He has a card up his sleeve” or “He has a dove in his pocket.”

One day the ship sank and the magician and the parrot found themselves alone on a lifeboat. For a couple of days, they just sat there looking at each other. Finally, the parrot broke the silence and said, “Okay, I give up. What did you do with the ship?”

09-24-2007, 05:20 AM
hee hee

those were good...especially the first one...hahahaha

09-24-2007, 07:06 AM
Nicxe selection of corny gags.... Hahaha

09-24-2007, 07:11 AM
You know pavorotti has just died and the great mime artiste Marcell marceau has joined him, well they met outside the pearly gates waiting to enter and it drove pavarotti mad to see Marcell climbing an imaginary ladder before pushing an imaginary bell and pretending he could not hear pavarotti's Nesan Dormer...

09-24-2007, 06:52 PM
hahahahahaha i love a good joke

10-05-2007, 02:45 AM
lmfao loved em all

11-11-2007, 12:23 AM
OK, so this very promiscuous woman goes to her gynecologist. He puts her up on the table and starts examining her.

Wow," he says. "That's the biggest vagina I've ever seen. Biggest vagina I've ever seen."

"Jeez, you didn't have to say it twice," she says.

"I didn't," he says.

11-11-2007, 12:27 AM
Hhahahah thats funny....thanks Penetration