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LadyRaven
07-13-2008, 02:46 PM
A man has to go away for business, and wont be back for a week.
Thinking of his wife being alone for so long without sex, he decides
to go out and buy her the greatest dildo he can find.

He finally finds a store that sells dildos, and gets to the cashier
and asks, "Give me the best dildo you got."

the cashier looks at him for a few seconds before saying,

"Well, unfortunately the best one we have is $300."

"Well, I'll take it." says the man.

"Alright, here." she says, and hands him a black box labeled
"Ultra Dildo"

The man is puzzled, and quickly says, "Ultra Dildo?"

Yeah it's state of the art. All u have to do is say "Ultra Dildo My"
and the place u want, and it will do it for u." she finished.

"Huh...well thanks." he said.

"OH!!", yells the cashier. "Before I forget, if u want it to stop,
just say "Ultra Dildo Stop".

At this, he left for home. He gave his wife the Ultra Dildo and
quickly left for his trip.

At Night, his wife took out the Ultra Dildo and said
"Ultra Dildo My Pussy." The Ultra Dildo then began pleasing
her all by itself.

After she was finished, she sighed and said " Stop"....nothing
happened.

She then said "quit." ....nothing happened.

Her husband forgot to tell her to say "Ultra Dildo Stop" when she
was finished!

Starting to panic, she quickly ran to her car trying to force the
thing out (now starting to cry) and began to drive to the hospital,
speeding along the streets, yelling "STOP, STOP!!".

It wasnt long before an officer pulled her over for speeding.

"You were-" began the officer, but was cut off by her whimpers.

"You okay ma'm?"

"You HAVE to get this Ultra Dildo out of meeeee!!
I cant get it to stop!"

The officer laughs, and says, "Ultra -Heh, Ultra Dildo my ass...."




One day this guy comes to work at a dildo shop.
His boss leaves for the day and puts him in charge of the shop.

About an hour later a black haired lady comes in and asks
"How much for your black dildos?"

The guy says "30 bucks"

"And how much for your white dildos?" asks the lady.

Again the man says "30 bucks for the black and 30 bucks
for the white"

So she takes the black one and leaves.

A while later a brunette comes in to the store and asks
"How much for your white dildos?"

The man responds "30 bucks"

She asks "And how much for your black dildos?"

"30 bucks for the white and 30 bucks for the black" r
eplies the man.

So she takes the white one leaves.

About an hour later a blonde walks through the door and asks
"How much are your dildos?"

The guys says "All our dildos are 30 bucks"

Then she looks up behind the man on a shelf and ask
"How much for that plaid one?"

The man responds "Oh, that one is special.
That will cost you $200"

The blonde agrees and takes it.

Later that day the boss come back and asks
"So what did you sell today?"

The man says "I sold a black dildo, a white dildo ,
and your thermous flask for $200!":p

lovesex
07-14-2008, 12:55 AM
lol that was great thanks

hta_7
07-14-2008, 05:10 AM
hahahahaha thats pretty dang funny

blue_bmw2
07-14-2008, 06:06 AM
hahaha i love em!

num1scamp
07-14-2008, 06:19 AM
Loved 'em.

hawk9934
07-14-2008, 04:10 PM
those were great.

wfcall
07-20-2008, 05:40 AM
This one goes in my jokes file ... very funny

jaguar
07-25-2008, 10:02 AM
Very good. Roflmao when I read these....

ExtremeGhostbuster
07-25-2008, 11:08 AM
nice nice baby

jaguar
07-30-2008, 08:25 AM
Any more of these style of jokes available?