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dirtyolman
12-07-2008, 03:44 PM
'OLD' IS WHEN...
> Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs
> and make love,' and you answer,
> 'Pick one; I can't do both!'
>
>
> 'OLD' IS WHEN...
> Your friends compliment you
> on your new alligator shoes
> and you're barefoot.
>
>
> 'OLD' IS WHEN...
> A sexy babe catches your fancy
> and y our pacemaker opens the garage door,
>
> 'OLD' IS WHEN...
> Going braless
> pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
>
> 'OLD' IS WHEN...
> You don't care where your spouse goes,
> just as long as you don't have to go along.
>
> 'OLD' IS WHEN...
> You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by
> the police
>
> 'OLD' IS WHEN...
> 'Getting a little action'
> means you don't need to take any fiber today.
>
> 'OLD' IS WHEN...
> 'Getting lucky' means you find your car
> in the parking lot.
>
> 'OLD' IS WHEN...
> An 'all nighter' means not getting up
> to use the bathroom.
>
> AND
>
> 'OLD' IS WHEN...
> You are not sure these are jokes?
>

jaguar
12-07-2008, 05:19 PM
Roflmao. Very good! And true!

Brigit Astar
12-07-2008, 05:50 PM
funnny

bigizzy
12-08-2008, 03:54 AM
WOW!! LMAO!! Great stuff!

jaguar
12-08-2008, 07:00 AM
Old is when...

You forget that you got there in a community bus and go looking for your car....

emilyleanne
12-10-2008, 06:54 AM
rofl gess i am old then i 4got where i park,t my car at the suppermarket

niteowluk2003
12-10-2008, 07:17 AM
Great....

But old is when you walk to the shops, then puff your way back!

or OLD is when,
You go to bed at night, remove your wig, your teeth, your glasses and lay there wondering if there is anything else you forgot to remove.

jaguar
12-10-2008, 05:35 PM
Lol very good niteowl.

emilyleanne
12-17-2008, 07:12 AM
[QUOTE=niteowluk2003;62306]Great....

But old is when you walk to the shops, then puff your way back!

i would be my shops 6 miles away lol

Missmelz
12-17-2008, 08:17 AM
Old is when..

You and your teeth don't sleep together.

Your back goes out but you stay home.

You wake up looking like your driver's license picture.

Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

Happy hour is a nap.

You're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does..

Missmelz
12-17-2008, 08:19 AM
Old is when..

You and your teeth don't sleep together.

Your back goes out but you stay home.

You wake up looking like your driver's license picture.

Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

Happy hour is a nap.

You're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does..

jaguar
12-17-2008, 05:33 PM
All true! Lol

Missmelz
12-17-2008, 06:34 PM
ok, here's a few more. Then I think I've run out unless there are some in my work email account.

Old is when..

It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.

Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.

The pharmacist has become your new best friend.

Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the parking lot.

The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals.

Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn't work.

You sink your teeth into a steak - and they stay there.

You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it

jaguar
12-18-2008, 05:03 AM
Thanks for those. Crack-ups all round!

Old is....

Forgetting what mealtime comes last.

When your tablets start to resemble M & M's in colour.

When your armchair is also your wheelchair!

When you get a telegram from the Queen ( to congratulate you on turning 100! ).

Missmelz
12-29-2008, 03:53 AM
Old is when..

You can only do 1 sit up every day: half when you get up out of bed and the other half when you lay down to go back to bed.

Your favorite music you listened to as a teenager starts getting played on classic rock stations.

You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

You sing along with the elevator music.

You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

People call at 9:00 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.

You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.

You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

Missmelz
12-29-2008, 08:19 PM
... and a few more. Old is when...

You feel like the morning after and you haven't been anywhere.

Your children begin to look middle-aged.

You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the wrong wall.

You look forward to a dull evening.

Your favorite part of the newspaper is "20-years ago today . . ."

You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.

Your knees buckle and your belt won't.

The little old gray-haired lady you helped across the street is your wife.

You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet.

You get your exercise acting as a pallbearer for your friends who exercise.

jaguar
01-07-2009, 02:13 AM
Stop! They are all true!

You put your keys in the ignition of your car, and it takes you 30 minutes to realize that!

Missmelz
01-07-2009, 05:15 AM
*sigh* shouldn't admit this... but missing car keys every second morning are the reason I went and bought a new little table to go inside the front door just before Xmas to keep all of my keys/wallet/phone on..

jaguar
01-07-2009, 08:20 AM
Yeah, we got ourselves a thermometer with hooks for our keys lol.

jaguar
08-06-2009, 06:49 AM
Old is....
when your dick now looks at the ground, instead of looking at your face when you wake up in the morning!

When you can't remember the name of the last person you know, died.

CAIN
12-03-2010, 11:06 PM
old is when you read the obituary and smile because your name wasn't in it.

Amasterfound
10-31-2012, 12:26 AM
old is when you sneeze cough or laugh and then wet yourself.