View Full Version : Comic telephone messages.

12-13-2008, 12:52 PM
You know when you are at work and unable to take a phone call, someone always takes a message for you, usually you return to your desk to find a post it type note with the message on it.

Here are I few which I found amusing.

Someone calling himself the 'High Wizard' phoned, saying you have broken your sacred oath and must pay the ultimate price....... No need to phone him back.


A journalist called, They are going to run 'THAT' story about you tomorrow, you may want to lie low for a while.


Your stolen laptop has been recovered, however the police want to ask you about some images they found on the hard drive.

or finally,

Your made to measure PVC playsuit is ready to be collected, please confirm a time to avoid embarassment with Madam Stern.....

12-13-2008, 03:28 PM
A few more humorous post it note type messages for when you return to your desk....

You have received a call from a company which reads, thank you for registering at Ihatemyjob.com your introduction pack will be arriving shortly.


A message from the IRS, a package bearing your name and address has been stopped at Customs, an investigator will call later.


Your travel agent rang to confirm your booking for two weeks at "anything Goes" adult resort....


Utopia Escort Agency called to confirm your application. You will need to send a naked full frontal photograph of yourself before they can proceeed further.

12-13-2008, 03:41 PM
rofl good

12-13-2008, 08:55 PM
Here's a few more..

Someone named Mr X phoned. He has fulfilled the contract as agreed. You will not be troubled by your nosy neighbor again.

Where were you? I was waiting with OUR special friend.

Dawn called to say stop stalking her or she's going to call the police!

Your neighbour called to say there is a strange man trying to climb through your front window.

12-13-2008, 09:37 PM
Lol all good!

A woman called and said you better get to the clinic, fast!

Another woman called and asked when you would start paying child support.

A doctor called and said your test results are ready, but he would rather speak to you personally as the results indicate problems of a delicate nature.

12-14-2008, 08:53 AM
Nice ones Jag, Try these as well....

Some guy called Baz, called says you shared secure accommodation a few years ago, he has finally found you and will be coming round for the money you owe him.

The STD clinic has called, you have been named as a recent contact by three of their newest patients, please calll to make an appointment, ASAP.

Naughty but nice film company called, based upon your explicit photo's they can offer you a part in "Nurse Tina's big surprise"...

Message from the STD clinic unfortunately your tests are still not clear, continue taking the antibiotics and phone for another test in a week's time.

12-14-2008, 09:10 AM
Bloody good ones, niteowl!

A man rang and asked if your kneecaps were really worth $100,000.

A woman called and said her silence was worth $10,000.

A man called and said HIS silence was worth $50,000!

Another man called and said that your problem won't go away for less than $25,000.

12-14-2008, 10:11 AM
Your welcome Jag.

The payroll department has called, apparently there has been a mix up with your tax, they have not been deducting enough from your salary so from this month they will be deducting 100% tax till the amount owed is paid off.

A guy phoned, he has seen your advert in the newspaper and wants to buy your complete collection of "Rubber Fetish World" magazine, he will call back later.

Your neighbour has phoned, there is thick black smoke pouring from your kitchen window, would you like her to call the fire department.

Swinger's monthly has called, unfortunately the photo you supplied is just too explicit and can not be used, if you want to support your advert with a picture please supply a toned down one, thank you.

12-14-2008, 10:24 AM
The IRS called and asked if you were willing to pay the tax on those sex toys.

The police called and asked if you were willing to submit some DNA evidence to help clear up some of their cases!

12-15-2008, 04:56 AM
Your wife called, and said she was leaving you. And so is the dog!

A woman called and said that it might be prudent to get those scabs checcked out!

Your proctologist rang to remind you to make another appointment, pronto!

12-17-2008, 06:06 AM
Social Security called and asked if your partner was still alive, and if so, why won't she return their calls?

So did the police!

So did the Fertility Clinic!

So did the Sexual Diseases Clinic!

So did American Express!

So did Virtual Sex Films Co. because they needed to know whether to renew her subscription!

So did Vivid Videos, to find out whether she would be available for her scene in "MILF'S Unleashed 24"!

Think carefully.
How fucked is the husband?

12-17-2008, 07:25 AM
lol i would say well and truly f*****d

12-17-2008, 06:47 PM
Glad I'm not him! Lol

Your best mate called and said your little sister is a demon in bed.

So did your dad!

So did your local bottle shop owner!

12-19-2008, 06:18 AM
A woman rang and said she is pregnant with your baby.

So did your sister!

So did your neighbour!

So did the local girl scout who brought those cookies around that time, and you offered her a 'big tip'!

So did your local bottle shop owner!

So did your local member for parliament, which she did to get your vote and turn the votes in her favour!

So did your local school crossing lady!