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harder257
04-18-2011, 05:21 PM
It was a hot sunny afternoon and I was laid out in the garden with my friend. She was about 5 ft 6, 125 lb, and had a soft light brown skin tone as she was mixed race. Luckily she was also gifted with a fantastic large, round arse and two big voluptuous breasts (at least a 34c). Thanks to the hot weather she was sporting a low cut white vest top along with some tight black leggings. As we lay down on the grass I was finding it extremely difficult to avoid looking at her breasts. She had her curly black hair up in a bun, and suddenly she realised a clip had fallen out of her hair. She sat up abruptly and got on all fours fretting and searching through the grass. I was in complete awe watching as her ass wiggled from left to right literally a few inches in front of my face. I got up after a good few seconds as I could feel myself getting hard, and it was then that I realised her leggings were see through! She was wearing black knickers with a sexy rose petal pattern. I leant over, gave her a light spank on her arse and whispered, “Your knickers look sexy, hope you’ve got a matching bra on.” She turned round with a naughty look on her face which lit up when she saw the bulge in my jeans. She whipped off her top to reveal her matching bra and replied, “How did you know?” with a cheeky grin. She climbed on top of me while I lay down and started to kiss me. As we kissed she fumbled with my belt while I removed her bra with one hand and squeezed her arse with the other. She pulled down my jeans just as I got her leggings off. I was in awe with her body. Her small brown nipples were erect so I kissed and fondled her breasts for a while. After a few minutes she decided to move on and give me a blow job. She wrapped her soft supple lips around the head of my 9 inch dick and took as much of it in as she could. I used all my self-restraint to not cum. I stroked her leg up from her calf to her thigh and slid a finger in her tight virgin pussy. As I pushed another finger inside she was dripping and the look of pleasure on her face was clear. I pulled my dick out of her mouth and teased the entrance of her pussy with it. She was immensely horny and whined at me, “fuck me, fuck me hard right now!” Whilst she was sprawled out on the grass I eased my dick into that sweet tight vagina. She let out a long moan and clenched her fists as the head of my dick squeezed into her vagina. I started to thrust slowly and the pitch of her moans increased. As i fucked her i sucked on her tits and played around with her arse. Her anus was so tight, but i knew i would have to save that for another time. I was thrusting faster and harder and i knew she was about to have an orgasm. She screamed and her whole body shuddered. I was almost about to cum as well so i pulled out a rubbed my dick on her soft breasts. She started to rub my shaft and also licked and sucked the head of my dick. I could feel all my cum building up, it was going to be massive. I finally relaxed and my cum shot all over her face and dribbled down her chest. She sucked the remaining cum out of my dick and we both lay back. I gave her sexy ass a last squeeze and put my clothes back on. Summer was great.

niteowluk2003
04-18-2011, 06:56 PM
nice story but too hurriedly told; if I had been relating this true story I would have padded it out a little, for example when she starts looking for her hair clip; she squatted on the floor and I became aware of the delicious flashes of tit flesh as she was side ways on to me and found the glimpses was having a lustful effect on me as my cock became semi hard. when she eventually turn away from me on her hands and knees I could not help but sneak a look at her black leggings which I suddenly realised were see through. My heart leapt into my mouth as I found myself staring at her black panties with a delicate silver rose petal decor upon them.

See how the tension between the pair is increasing and the reader is instantly wondering if you are going to get lucky and what other treasures you will expose.

But a good story never the less.

Brigit Astar
04-18-2011, 09:52 PM
It is well-written, but as niteowl stated, it is too hurriedly told. More detail about both characters' makeup needs to be added. Who are these people? Not enough is related about them to make the reader care about them.

davesmistress
04-18-2011, 11:30 PM
Welcome

Kinda short but keep at it and thanks for the addition

Go4it
04-20-2011, 01:52 AM
There is a fine line between too short and too long. And even then, that length will be different for everyone. Let's take WirePaladin for example. I think he is by far the best writer I have ever read on this site and maybe even on the net, BUT ----- for my pleasure his stories are just WAY WAY WAY too fucking long.

niteowluk2003
04-20-2011, 06:34 AM
I agree that the length of a story is a difficult thing to judge, but in my earlier comments that was not the comment I made; I said it was too hurriedly told and by that I simply meant there was no character building and the action was too abrupt. In real life it hardly ever happens that you meet a girl and seconds later your filling her with cock. I did say it was a good story but could be better told by setting the scene that's all.

Go4it
04-21-2011, 03:46 AM
Very interesting post Nite - but believe it or not --- not everything is about you. You made a comment. DM made a totally different comment on the story that had nothing to do with your comment. My comment was in response to DM.

niteowluk2003
04-21-2011, 07:14 AM
That's fine but I never assumed the comment was about me I was simply adding to the comment and trying to avoid confusion about the length of story and the pace the story was told at. sorry if you thought I was rebuking your comment but that was not the case indeed I respect all comments made on here as everyone is entitled to their own opinions.

gramps
05-19-2011, 06:07 PM
Nice story, but it is a little fast and abrupt. Sort of like a quickie in a stair well; fun while it lasts but over too soon!