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View Full Version : Gordie and tehe Azz Bombs



Go4it
01-31-2012, 04:23 AM
Another Gordie classic - and if you're into bathroom humor you're gonna be crying with laughter.
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Tootin’ My Horn in VIP
A few weekz ago, I was at a club and find a nice young dancer willing to suck my bare cock and swallow my cum. So, I hornily and excitedly head to VIP for some afternoon stress relief. Everything is fine and dandy….my dancer is young and hot….my gettin’ old cock is managing to stay hard and this young dancer sensually and slowly drops to her kneez to suck my cock…I watch with glee and excitement, but then hear a sudden noise that scares me…my stomach starts to rumble…and…

….I let out a little “toot” from my azz. Toot! I was embarrassed…first time this has happened to me in a strip club…getting a bj and having gas. I was trying to stay erect, but couldn’t hold it and embarrassingly let out two more quick toots. Toot! Toot!! I was fuckin’ embarrassed as a cloud of “poisonous gas” rose from my mid-section and rose up towardz my nose….if I smelled it....and... I’m sure this young dancer did as well…but she only stopped for a second, looked up, and then went back down to sucking my bare cock…

…..maybe she was being kind by ignoring the smell, maybe she didn’t care, or maybe she realized “Shit happens!” he he. So, while she was sucking my cock, my azz squirmed and contorted in my chair…trying to hold my “hole” shut, but didn’t quite work as I let out some silent, but “deadly” azz bombz. A couple of quick “toots” and “toot toots!” in rapid succession and somehow I managed to cum. Not sure how I did so with a semi-erect, but mostly limp cock, but hey…embarrassing stomach rumbling and gas will do that to ya! So, with my head down in shame, I paid my dancer and quickly fled from the “crime scene”. He he….running…

Scene of the Crime
…running from the gas cloud that was surrounding us. Embarrassingly running away from the young dancer. Running like PigPen from Charlie Brown with a cloud of gas surrounding my azz…runnin’…running straight towardz the restroom. I get to the restroom and let me tell ya…some of my hobby brotherz know…taking a shit in a strip club, a provider’s incall or the massage therapist’s bathroom is one of the lowest pointz in your hobby career. The sudden – “I need to take a shit” feeling will happen when you hobby long enough…happen suddenly....and sometimes will happen at the most embarrassing and inopportune times. It’s one of those thingz not many of us will admit to, but it will happen…so...

…I still have bad memories…very bad memories of a massage therapist asking me if I needed to use her restroom…memories...memories of ol’ Gordie taking her up on her offer to take a quick piss…but only to quickly realize that this lovely massage therapist had JUST dropped some massive turds in her restroom. I nearly passed out, but managed to hold my breath, find a match to light (just kidding!) and finished my business…but…

….couldn’t really enjoy my massage and happy ending with this lovely massage therapist becuz I couldn’t get the image and smell of her taking a shit out of my mind. Likewise, most of us prefer not to “ruin the moment” by taking a shit in a provider’z incall or seeing/smelling our favorite provider take a shit before a session. But it does happen. Obviously, it’s a mood killer! So…

Who Mourns for the "Token" Bathroom Attendant?
…I head in the restroom and see the “token” bathroom attendant just standing there. He is just standing there like they all do…standing next to his gum, mints, cologne, towels and tip jar. Looking pathetic and beaten down, but standing there in the restroom with that “token” bathroom attendant look on his face. I had to take a shit, but just couldn’t take a shit with him standing close to the stalls being able to “hear” and “smell” my business. I just couldn’t do it after a bad experience a couple of yearz ago, so I decided to hold it in…risk shit staining my drawz…but just couldn’t take another shit in front of another “token” bathroom attendant…becuz a couple of yearz ago….

….I got that “feeling”…you know…not “THAT” horny feeling, but that “sudden” – “I need to take a shit" feeling and had to take my first shit in the strip club. No way was I leaving my favorite whorehouse to take a shit at gas station or McDonald's so I decided to take a quick shit in the strip club restroom. I felt dirty and ashamed as I headed in and saw the "token" bathroom attendant. I wanted to say “Sorry dude!”, but put my head down and went to the stall. Poor guy! He he. So….ol’ Gordie has done many thingz in a strip club…

…..but putting his bare, metrosexual azz on a strip club toilet seat is not one thing he will do. he he. So, like a prissy bitch, I slowly and carefully roll strips of toilet paper to cover all areaz of the toilet seat before sitting my prissy azz down. I dropped a couple of bombs in the water and shockingly was on one of those fancy toilet seatz with no handles…I couldn’t find a way to flush it, but saw a light sensor. I waved my hand in front of it and nada. Ordinarily, I wouldn’t give a shit (pun intended!), but had the poor token bathroom attendant nearby, so I decided to have some mannerz and give him a courtesy flush. So, I stand my prizzy azz up to trick the light sensor on the toilet so it will flush, but….

…all of my carefully wrapped toilet paper on toilet seat fell into the water and went down the drain, so I had to repeat my delicate toilet seat wrapping process. I dropped a few more turdz and quickly realized that this embarrassingly was turning into one those Al Bundy 20-30 minute shits. Some of you know what I’m talking about (ok more Bran cereal! He he). So, I had to “trick” the light sensor like 4-5 times as a courtesy to the bathroom attendant, but then had to “face” him after 30 minutes of embarrassment. So…

…I slowly walk from around the stall and the token bathroom attendant just stares at me. Doesn’t say anything, but just stares at me. Eyez fully fixed upon me. Oh, to know what he was thinking! One of the most embarrassing momentz of my hobby life….as he continued to watch me…giving me the – “You have the nerve to shit in my bathroom!” look. But dude, when you gotta go, you gotta go! He he. I washed my hands and he didn’t even hand me a towel, which is a customary act of the token bathroom attendant. Despite taking a lengthy shit in “his” bathroom, I headed out without tipping him…not even a dollar….at first, I thought all of this was funny….taking a shit and making him smell it like I was in Junior High…. but…

One of the Worst Jobs / Holiday Giving Season
…realize the “token” bathroom attendant is one of the worst jobs in America. I think back to how I see guyz treat these guyz. The attendant will hand them a paper towel, but the vast majority of club goers will not even give him a dollar. Some of us can relate running into the restroom after “extras” and having to wipe cum off of our pants or wash dried cum stains off of our clothes before heading back to work, the wife, etc. Of course, the only “witness” to this is the token bathroom attendant. Now….

…I think back to clubz like BDFW and Fare Arlington that have had the same bathroom attendants for yearz. I also feel bad for the Fare attendant that shows up to work with a walker. It’s sad seeing him struggle to get into the club and then set-up shop in the restroom. I often imagine what these guyz make on any given day and wonder what type of shit (pun intended!) that they put up with on a daily basis. Personally, I could not imagine having a job where I spent all day in a smelly restroom (being a cabbie isn't much better). Anyway, over the past few monthz…

…..I’ve really started to notice these guys and notice their “faces”. I think back to all of the money that I’ve blown on dancers, waitresses and doorgirlz, but never really tip theze guyz anything. Sometimes, I’ll selfishly grab the paper towel so he doesn’t have to hand it to me and walk out without giving him even $1. Whenever I think of the bathroom attendant with the walker, I have to give thankz to the One above that I’m still healthy and have a decent income. Others are not so fortunate. So with the holidayz and giving season approaching…

…I decided that I was going to be more cognizant of the plight of the “token” bathroom attendant. Even though the attendant isn’t flashing tits or getting a rise out of me, I have decided that I was going to start remembering theze guyz who have one of the worst jobs in American. Some of my tip money will now start going towardz the “token” bathroom guy this holiday season. Next time you walk in a strip club bathroom and it smells like shit and you see the bathroom attendant just standing there, just throw him an extra buck or two. After all, who really “mourns” for these guyz or thankz them for putting up with our shit (ok poor choice of wordz!) and shitty attitudes (another poor choice of wordz! Damn it!). Well, some of you know what I’m trying to say.

The bathroom attendant sometimes will have good club intel, hand you towels to clean up cum stains/evidence and sometimes is just a friendly face for a rough day on the job or someone simply to talk to. I’m curious to hear of any other strip club guyz stories of the “token” bathroom attendant – good or bad.