We had a short rest again, returning to the food, or what was left of it, drinking our beers and reminiscing about the hours we had already spent together. Toni tried to start her-ladyship again but Tanya had a mouthful of food and waved her hand frantically at Toni to stop as she tried to laugh and eat at the same time.
And eventually the only thing left on the tray was the huge raspberry gateau.
“Who wants a piece?” Tanya asked.
“I do,” I said.
“I’m full,” Toni said and then let out one of her delightful giggles. “Both ends.”
So Tanya cut a huge slice of the gateau, laid it on a plate then cut an inch from the tip of the slice, collected it on a fork and presented it to my lips.
“There you are,” she offered, and I dutifully took the morsel from her fork.
“Is that all I get?” I enquired peevishly.
“Oh no, you get the lot,” Tanya grinned, and she used her fingers to scoop half the remaining slice into her hand and then offered the plate to Toni.
Tanya reached for my pants, pulled the waist away from my skin and dumped the gateau from her hand into my pants. She wiped the cream and fruit from her fingers onto my skin and held the pants open for Toni, who followed suit. Tanya let the elastic spring back into place.
It was cool and soft and squelchy and squashy and the girls mashed it into my skin and down over my cock.
“Nothing like a bit of spice to improve the flavour of food,” Tanya grinned and knelt in front of me. Again she pulled my pants away from me and nuzzled her head against me, searching for my cock amidst the huge mound of sticky, creamy goo that bulged in my pants. She slurped at the cake, found my cock and took it in her mouth, sucking the gateau from it. My cock was dozing but it began to wake at the feel of her mouth round it. Satisfied, she removed her head, her mouth and cheeks covered with gateau. She looked up at Toni. “Sure you don’t want some?”
“Well, if it’s spiced like that I may well be able to manage some,” Toni agreed and the girls changed places and Toni knelt in front of me and took her turn at nuzzling into me, and the cake, and sucking at my cock, now half awake and gaining full consciousness rapidly.
Tanya used her own pants to wipe the last vestiges of cake from her fingers. Toni stood and licked her lips, her face covered with cream and squashed fruit.
“Lovely!” she agreed. “Nice cake!”
“You’ve both got cream on your noses,” I pointed out.
The girls looked at each other.
“So we have,” they agreed and Tanya pointed to her love mound. “There,” she said to Toni, and lay back on the bed, opened her legs and waited. Toni moved to her and nuzzled her face against Tanya’s stomach, wiping her cheeks against them and cleaning her face against Tanya’s pants. The girls rolled over each other and Tanya did the same, leaving white and pink streaks of cream and fruit against Toni’s own soft pants, and mixing with the traces of her brown stuff that lay within.
Toni gave a little yawn. “Ooo, sorry,” she said. “I’m not used to such mammoth sessions. I’m not really tired.”
“Well,” Tanya told her, “there’s one thing I haven’t had yet and I want it very much, so you could have a little rest for a while if you want.” And she looked up at me and I knew what she meant and I wanted it too and Toni looked from me to her and smiled and said, “You want your Dave. I’m going to watch.”
And Tanya rolled onto her back and held out both arms wide to me. Her eyes glowed, tenderly, as they silently begged me to come to her. Toni moved aside and lay propped on one elbow watching us.
I moved to Tanya and lay on top of her, gazing into her eyes. They spoke volumes to me, telling me of her love, her tenderness, and that she wanted me inside her, and that she was happy, and contented, and that she was glad we had done this thing with three people and I was glad too and I gently kissed her nose and then her lips because her eyes had told me that she wanted me inside her but she didn’t want sex she wanted my love.
And there was no foreplay, there was no caressing or kissing or licking or sucking. She opened her legs wide and I just pulled aside her pants gently and explored with my cock to find her cunt lips and then her clit and the tip rubbed against it gently and her eyes glowed even more and I entered her, slowly, gently until I was fully inside her and I began to love my sweet, adorable so special Tanya with long, gentle, full strokes, moving my hips so that she could feel every inch of me within her and I continued those long, slow, gentle strokes because I wasn’t fucking her I was loving her and I wanted it to take a long time, a very long time because we had done this many times, countless times before, and the sex was good but the loving was always a hundred times better and I knew if I aroused her slowly with my love her climax would be tremendous and now I wanted that for her, very much.
And she smiled and kissed me gently and let her eyes close as my cock continued to pleasure her, slowly, slowly, gently. I could feel the coolness of the cake on her against my skin and I could feel the softness of her smooth, smooth love mound against me too. The wetness within her as her love juices flowed and I felt an incredibly warm feeling in me as I gazed at her because it was love and not sex and I knew she felt the same. I wanted us to be in this position and to move together this way forever but I wanted her to explode in a frenzy of pleasure and excitement and love too but not yet, not yet, and our love went on and on and it was just so beautiful to give so much pleasure to my girl this way.
I was careful to control myself absolutely because nothing must spoil this time, this loving, and now her lips were open a little and she was breathing through them and her gentle thrusts against me as we loved became a little more insistent and harder but it wasn’t time yet and this must go on longer still. I wouldn’t allow myself to become faster and stronger but continued to love her in that same slow, gentle way and her lips were open more and she breathed ‘Davey, my baby, my Davey,’ and now her words spoke volumes as her eyes had done and still I moved inside her in that same way and I knew she was building but oh-so slowly and that is what I wanted for her and how it should be and her hands rubbed my back and her fingers curled into me as her body responded to mine and her pleasure mounted.
She stroked my hair and my neck and my back and her fingers gripped me again, harder and more insistently and her hands stroked my back down to my ass and she began to pull me into her but it still wasn’t time, not yet, and I wouldn’t allow it and continued my slow, gentle strokes within her and now her breath was coming harder and faster and her hips rose to meet mine urging me to move harder and faster as her pleasure neared the point of no return but I wouldn’t do it and continued to build her pleasure the way I wanted. Slowly and gently and her hands gripped my neck and pulled my head down beside hers on the pillow and she breathed
‘Davey, my darling, my sweet baby, oh I love you, I love you, I love you so much’ and she was gripping my neck so hard and pulling my head against hers and now I knew it wouldn’t be long as each breath was a gentle ‘uh’ sound and I stopped briefly, almost outside her and she breathed another ‘uh’ and then I moved inside her again, slowly, slowly, and her body began to tremble beneath me and I stopped again, just for a second and again she let out a little moan and her body shivered against mine and I knew that her climax had started deep, deep within her and that it was growing and building and that’s why she was shivering and trembling but it must take a long time and I still wouldn’t move fast within her and I wasn’t conscious of my own orgasm at all because my thoughts were only to give my girl the ultimate climax, the biggest, the longest, the highest, the most electrifying pleasure I had ever given her and this was so important and I continued the same way loving her with my body and my heart and my soul and then she was squeezing me so hard it hurt and her fingers dug into my back and her body
lifted against mine and she drew in a huge breath and held it and her body went still for a moment and then she let out her breath and screamed ‘Davey! Davey!’ and her body was absolutely rigid against me and the rest of her breathing was just ‘Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!’ one after another and they continued for a long time and that is what I wanted for her and now I felt my own orgasm beginning and I was content to let it happen and only now as her own climax just passed its peak and her body began to soften and relax against me did I move inside her a little harder and more insistently as I felt my physical love start its travel and she stiffened against me once more and cried out ‘I love you!’ as my stronger movements re-ignited her own fire and her body was totally rigid against me again and she quivered and her fingers hurt as they dug into me so hard and she drew in a huge breath as if she was nearly drowning and then let it out in a long, long cry of ‘Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!’ as my love gushed into her and she felt it and it fused with her own pleasure and that’s what it was she was almost drowning in pleasure and excitement and orgasm and that’s what I wanted for her and I felt an ache in my heart because I wanted this moment, her orgasm, to last forever too as she trembled and shook and gasped for air but there would be others, there would be more, and I waited, my own climax finished as she just remained rigid with her back slightly arched beneath me and her breaths gasping as she held onto me and time passed and slowly, slowly her body softened and she relaxed onto the bed but her eyes were still shut and her breathing fast and she wouldn’t let me go but gripped me with her hands and fingers as if life itself depended on it.
I became conscious of Toni lying beside us, the room and everything that had faded into nothingness during that long, long, but-oh-so-brief time when my whole being had been focussed on my beloved little Tanya.
Gradually her fingers eased their grip and pressure on my back. She let one hand fall to her side and caressed me with the other. “My baby,” she murmured. “My baby. Oh God. My Davey baby.” I moved to one side, opposite from Toni, and lay beside Tanya, my arm resting across her and my fingers softly stroking her ribs.
Toni was watching us, a smile, slightly tinged with sadness, on her face.
“How beautiful!” she whispered. “I’ve just watched you making love. Just beautiful!” She paused. “How I wish that someone would love me that way,” she finished wistfully.
Tanya still had her eyes closed and she felt with her free arm, found Toni’s hand and their fingers entwined as Tanya squeezed her hand and held it.
“One day,” she murmured breathlessly. “You’ll see. One day.”
But I knew she was being kind to Toni because if Toni ever found a man, or a girl, with whom she could share a love as absolute as Tanya’s and mine, she would indeed be a very, very lucky girl. And Toni knew it too, because she gave a very slight shake of her boyish head which Tanya didn’t see. But I did.
We lay like that for while, not moving, not speaking, just relaxing and enjoying the sensation of being together, of shared contentment, of shared pleasure. I looked at Tanya. Her breathing was regular and even and I realised she had fallen fast asleep. Toni put a hand to her mouth and yawned again.
I motioned with my head, not wanting to wake my adorable girl.
“In that drawer,” I whispered. “Duvet.”
And Toni nodded and carefully left the bed, fetched the duvet and gently laid it across us. She came round to the other side of the bed and carefully crept under it herself, snuggling gently against me, her knees against the back of my own, her soft mound against my ass and her head against my shoulders.
“Rest,” I murmured and I felt her nod and yawn again. I gazed at my girl, sleeping peacefully. My gaze turned to the window. Dawn’s early light was filtering through it, the trees beyond faintly visible as ghostly shapes. A bird sang somewhere. Tanya breathed peacefully and I heard Toni’s own breathing fall into an even, regular pattern.
Life was very, very much alright.
I closed my eyes and we slept.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
I was awakened by the feel of someone nuzzling my stomach and my cock. I knew it was Tanya because she often wakes me this way, whether it be morning, noon or night. Sometimes she’ll kiss me on the lips or face or chest but her favourite way is to go down on me and kiss and nuzzle my cock until I awake. So I didn’t even bother to open an eye. I just reached for her head and stroked her long, thick tresses as they lay across me.
“’Morning,” I murmured.
She stopped her movements now that I was awake and I felt her slide up to my chest.
“’Morning, sleepyhead,” she said. “It isn’t though.”
“Morning. It’s nearly two o’clock.”
I opened my eyes and saw her face, her tousled hair falling either side of it as she watched me with a huge grin. She nodded. “Really.”
“Come here,” I commanded. She moved further up my body and poised her head over mine. My hands went round her back and I pulled her to me, kissing her softly and lovingly, those wonderful thick locks draping my own face as we greeted a new day.
We always wake each other like this, in some way or other. No sex, no excitement or arousal, just the shared joy of being together, waking to each other and loving each other.
“Breakfast?” Tanya suggested.
“That would be nice,” I agreed.
Tanya turned to look at Toni, then motioned me with a twitch of her head to look myself.
Toni had turned over and was sleeping with her back to me, only one cheek and her boyish hair visible on the pillow as she cuddled under the duvet, her brown right arm thrown carelessly over her shoulder.
“Sweet little thing,” Tanya murmured, then looked at me and grinned. “That’s the trouble. No stamina, these youngsters.”
I nodded sagely, and Tanya carefully rolled off me and got out of bed.
“Stay there,” she whispered. “I’ll let you know when it’s ready. Let her sleep.”
“I’m not asleep,” came a sleepy voice. “I woke as soon as you started sucking him. And I’ve got plenty of stamina but you two have fucked me so completely I just didn’t want to move.”
And we laughed and Tanya gave a her a gentle good morning kiss and asked again, “Breakfast?” and Toni nodded and stretched, like a lithe young cat. Tanya disappeared into the kitchen and Toni yawned, stretched again and I sensed her skin and muscles and bones and tendons stretching with her and she was so young and luscious and I wanted her. She rolled over to look at me and smiled. She ran a hand down my cheek.
“’Morning,” she said. “Afternoon rather.”
“Lovely,” she purred. She smiled again. “Best sleep you can have…….”
I reached under the duvet and gently caressed one breast and then the other. The very feel of her against my hands and the sensation of her soft warm breath on my face was enough to make me hard, and she sensed it and smiled again and took my cock in her hand.
“God, I want you,” she whispered, her eyes big and wide and staring at me.
I shook my head.
“Then let me rub myself on you,” she pleaded, and she suddenly threw back the duvet so it slid to he floor, rolled over to straddle me and pressed her crotch down hard onto me. Her pants had dried from the night’s fun, but they were moist now from the effects of her deep natural sleep and she began to thrust her hips backwards and forwards, rubbing her cunt and clit along the length of my erect cock. Her eyes were alight with excitement as she wanked herself furiously on me, then she paused, lifted herself and quickly freed my cock from my pants, lowering herself back onto its length all in one smooth movement. I could feel the remains of her brown stuff, still soft and sticky and squashy inside her pants and as she began to breathe through her open mouth I felt the flow of her love juice as it soaked into the brown stuff, her pants and onto my cock, making it even easier for her to rub herself.
“Let me feel it on me!” she pleaded, gasping. “Please!”
And quick as a flash she’d moved again, pulled aside the leg of her pants and pressed her wet cunt back down onto me, bareback. She rubbed herself once, twice, three times, and on that third stroke the tip of my cock caught her clit, and she wriggled and trapped it and I was inside, inside her cunt.
She came then with a loud gasp and a flood of her juice, even as I used both arms to lift her clear of me, and I came too, shooting my cum straight up and onto her cunt, now an inch above me as I held her aloft.
“No!” I whispered. “No Toni! You know that’s not on!”
“Oh, but nice!” she gasped. “Just that moment! Just to feel you, to know you were in me, just for that second or two, made me cum instantly.”
And as I lifted her clear of my body and clear of my cock, I felt a cold tingle, a creeping on my spine which I had never felt since the day I met my Tanya, as I suddenly saw that she was standing at the bedroom door, watching us. Her face was expressionless.
Strange expression, but true. Time never actually freezes, of course, The seconds, the minutes tick away, but as the three of us were then, at that moment, time froze for us. Nobody moved, nobody spoke. I held Toni above me, her head turned to look over her own shoulder as she too had sensed the presence of my girl in the room. I felt her cunt drip her juice and my cum back onto my cock. And Tanya’s eyes followed the drip as she watched it fall.
And then she left the door and began to walk towards the bed, her face still composed and expressionless.
I desperately tried to read her eyes but they were just as devoid of expression as her face. She stopped beside us and looked at Toni, then at me. And for the first time since the day I had met this wonderful, adorable, lovable girl, months before, I wanted to cringe away from her.
I had to let Toni down because my arms were aching and I rolled her away from Tanya onto the other side of the bed. We both lay, looking up at her, silent.
She sat on the bed, her back to us, staring at the wall.
“I came to ask,” she said quietly, “how you wanted your eggs.”
We both knew that now this was a rhetorical question, a comment, an avoidance of the truth, and neither Toni nor I breathed a word. Tanya continued to stare at the wall.
“I’ve made a mistake,” she finally said. “I’ve made a terrible mistake.”
And I went cold, literally cold on my body at her words. I still had no idea what I could possibly say to her that would help, that would be right, and hearing her voice, different to any voice I had ever heard her use, made it worse. This voice was flat, dispassionate, as devoid of any expression as her face and her eyes.
“When I set this weekend up,” she continued, still staring straight at the wall and in that same, flat voice, “I had no real idea of how it would turn out. I knew what I wanted, for me and for Davey. I knew it would be difficult to find the right person. When we discussed the idea, Davey pointed out that if the person was a man, he would not be happy about him being inside me and that there was a danger that a man could lose control and attack me, force himself on me, and maybe Davey wouldn’t be able to stop him. I thought about that and decided that if the person was female, that likelihood was virtually eliminated.” She fell silent.
Toni started to reach out an arm towards her but I stopped her immediately. I didn’t know whether touching Tanya would help, or whether it would make things ten times worse. But I wasn’t going to risk any chance of that. I pushed Toni’s arm away as it reached across me.
“It never occurred to me,” Tanya said, “that a female might force Davey to do something he didn’t want.”
And Toni let her arm fall, and turned her head to face away from me and I felt sorry because I knew she was feeling the most horrendous guilt. Tanya went on, flat, not moving a muscle as she sat on the bed with her back to us. She wasn’t talking to me, she wasn’t talking to Toni. She was talking to herself.
“I knew that there were so many factors that had to be right for this to work. When Toni contacted me we exchanged emails and I had to find out all about her. I discovered she had no real knowledge of this sort of thing. I knew she was young, inexperienced, had never done the things that Davey and I do. We spoke on the phone, and I told her about our pleasures, our activities, how we like wet and dirty sex. I thought fine, if this shocks her, horrifies her, she’s the wrong girl. But it didn’t. It excited her, she wanted to try all those things she never had before. But I still wanted to be sure, and I told her it would be no good if she suddenly objected to something, wouldn’t do something, wouldn’t let us do something with her, to her. If that happened, it would spoil the weekend completely for me and for Davey and I wouldn’t let that happen.
She had to feel completely and totally uninhibited if she came to us. In the end I was convinced that she meant what she said and that she had the right personality, the right frame of mind, to join us for a weekend.”
Her shoulders lifted and fell as she shrugged.
“But that was only half the battle. I had to meet her, face to face, see her, talk with her, and I had to know what she looked like. She described herself to me on the phone but she might have been exaggerating. So I had to see her to be sure that she looked even half attractive.”
Toni rolled completely away from me and lay with her back to me, facing the other wall.
“And of course,” Tanya went on, more quietly, “she was a looker. She was a babe. And I knew Davey would think so too. I knew he would love her body, her tan, her short hair. And her personality. After talking with her for a while I knew she was the right person. So we discussed what we might do all the weekend, and it was a chance to talk nitty-gritty, to describe exactly what type of sex the three of us could enjoy together. It was another chance for Toni to back out. She didn’t know me from Adam and she hadn’t met Davey, so it wouldn’t have mattered. But she didn’t back out. Quite the opposite.”
Tanya sighed deeply.
“Because of what Davey had warned about if a man came to us, I made a rule, a taboo, that no way was there going to be normal, full sexual intercourse between Toni and him. Anything else was fine, but I did not want him inside another girl, the same as he didn’t want another man in me. I’d told Davey this and I told Toni on the phone and again at our meeting. She promised it wouldn’t happen and I knew I could trust Davey. I was convinced she was the right person and we set a date.”
Toni drew her legs up and lay in a foetal position on the bed.
“But I made a mistake,” Tanya said again and I felt and sensed and almost saw Toni cringe on the bed.
“I thought this weekend would be a time of three people sharing their bodies, their sex. I thought it would be fun, sexy, enjoyable, and it has been, as three people sampled the delights of each other’s bodies. What I hadn’t considered, I don’t think anyone considered, was that feelings might become involved. Might become an integral part of the weekend.” She fell silent for a moment and straightened her back.
“I came to love Toni,” she went on in the same dispassionate way, speaking to herself as if examining her own thoughts, “I came to love her in a quite different way to the way I love Davey. And he came to love her too, a lot, but again, quite differently to the way he loves me. And I hadn’t bargained on any of that. But most of all, I hadn’t bargained on Toni.”
I risked a direct look at her as Tanya couldn’t see what I was doing. Toni still lay in the same foetal way, her knees drawn up tightly against her stomach. And now her hands moved to cover her face as if in shame, and partly her ears, as if she didn’t want to hear what Tanya was saying.
“I thought,” Tanya continued, “that Toni would spend this weekend learning. Enjoying yes, but finally experiencing the things she’d thought about, dreamed of trying. And that Davey and I would give her excitement and pleasure and orgasms galore, and she would probably do that to us, too, and that it would be a totally sexy, debauched, but uninvolved weekend.”
She paused yet again and then with another sigh said,
“What I hadn’t bargained on, in my wildest imagination, is that Toni might have feelings for us. That she might be such a nice, uncomplicated, open minded person that she would develop deep feelings for us and that the weekend would become a weekend not just of rampant, almost clinical, sex, but that it would become a time of warmth, of deep feelings, of love. Reciprocal love between three people, each knowing that the other two loved them. It didn’t matter how they loved, or how much, or if it was more or less than another person. It was just that three people who had come together to have sex, came to love each other. And that meant that I had made a terrible mistake.”
I felt movement and risked another glance at Toni. She was still exactly as I had seen her last time, but now she was shaking her head slightly against the pillow, as if in negation of Tanya’s words.
“I didn’t know it,” Tanya said. “It was happening in front of me, to me, and I was so wrapped up in my own feelings for those two people that I didn’t realise I’d made a mistake at all. Not until just now.”
And finally she spoke directly to us, not turning a muscle to look at us, still facing the wall, but she spoke to Toni and me.
“Davey,” she said, “I hope you will be able to forgive me. You’re a forgiving person and I love you very much, my sweet. I hope you will be able to forgive what I’ve done to you.”
(What she had done to me??)
Before I could open my mouth Tanya spoke to Toni. Her voice became softer and very, very earnest.
“Toni, I say the same to you. You are a lovely, bright, funny, intelligent girl. What I’ve done to you is ---” she paused and hunted for the words, “ --- it’s inexcusable, it’s horrible and I hope you will be able to forgive me one day.”
Toni had uncovered her face and turned her head to look at Tanya. Her eyes showed the puzzlement she evidently felt. Probably my eyes showed it too because now I couldn’t understand what Tanya was talking about.
“Tanya,” I began, very quietly, but she stood suddenly and turned to face us both and held up her hand to stop me.
“I did something very cruel to you both,” she said quietly. “ I put both of you under a terrible strain, in an intolerable situation. In defence I can only say I didn’t realise it was so cruel until just now. I am so very, very sorry, my sweet Davey. And Toni, our little Toni-girl, I am so sorry too that I have treated you so thoughtlessly this weekend.”
“Thoughtlessly? Tanya you ---” Toni’s face now showed total puzzlement. “ ---I don’t understand! What do I have to forgive you for? It’s me who should be on my knees apologising and begging for forgiveness. Tanya, it’s me who is sorry. I’ve let you down. Both of you. I broke my promise to you Tanya. I don’t understand what you mean.”
And Tanya looked at us and sat again on the bed but this time so she could face us and she took my hands and held them and looked directly into my eyes.
“You promised not to go inside Toni,” she said. “Not that way. But you made the promise before there were feelings. Feelings started, grew. Hearts became involved. It changes things, d’you see?”
I thought I was just beginning to get an idea of what she meant.
“When Toni arrived and we started our weekend together,” she went on, “it wasn’t your heart or your soul that wanted her. It was your body.” She looked at Toni. “And the same is true for you, little Toni-girl. You told us you’d been without sex for a long time. And here we were, giving you all kinds of sex and orgasms and pleasure but denying you the one thing you really wanted, with a man who’d turned you on as soon as you walked in our door. Because you’d had Davey’s tongue and my cock in your pussy but it was sex, just sex, and now there was love in the mix, and you began to want him because you had feelings for him --” and she looked at me again, still holding onto my hands, “ – and, my lovely sweet baby, you began to want her because you had feelings too, and d’you see, it changed everything. To expect you not to have full intercourse, to hold you to your promise to keep away from Toni’s pussy was cruel. And I am so, so sorry that I didn’t realise it before and tell you both.” She looked at Toni, who just stared at her, her mouth agape.
Tanya squeezed my hands. “It was a shock when I saw you, but it made me think. This was my Davey, breaking a promise, abusing the love we have?” She shook her head and her long hair flew from side to side. “No. I didn’t believe it. But I saw, and I wasn’t wrong, so it made me think, why? Why did that happen after you’d both foresworn it? And then I realised why.”
She looked across me at Toni and she smiled at her.
“Toni, it’s okay. I am not upset, I am not shocked now, I don’t blame either of you, and I’m not angry. Actually, yes I am angry,” she went on after a pause, “but I’m angry with myself. If I hadn’t been so immersed in my own hedonistic pleasure with you both I would have realised it sooner. But I’m not angry with either of you.”
She released my hands and stood, glancing from one to another of us. “I’m going to make breakfast,” she said. “It’s okay, really. Do it. I want you to do it. Toni, I want you to enjoy every single second of Davey’s cock in your pussy. And my Davey, I want you to savour every single second of being inside Toni’s cunt. Do it.” And she turned and left the room. I looked at Toni.
“I have to go to her,” I said and she nodded.
“I know, I know.”
I leapt off the bed and followed Tanya into the kitchen where I shut the door behind me. She was just about to crack eggs into a saucepan but she stopped and looked at me.
“I’ve spoilt it, haven’t I?” she said. “You don’t want her now, do you?”
I shook my head. “No. I mean, yes I do, but…..oh, I don’t know.”
“I’m sorry Davey,” she repeated in a small voice. I held up my hand to stop her. She put the eggs down unbroken and came to me. She put her hands on my face and gripped it hard.
“I meant it, Davey baby. In the bedroom. I really meant it.”
There were things I wanted to say and I struggled to them into some sort of coherent order.
“Tanya, I promise you, I didn’t want that to happen. It wasn’t me.” I felt terrible. I sounded like a schoolchild caught red- handed in some forbidden act who immediately denied all knowledge of it.
“I mean, yes, of course I wanted her. But she ---”
“I know, I know,” whispered Tanya, her palms rubbing up and down each side of my face. “ I heard it, I saw it. I know what she said and what you said. I heard you say no to her.” Her eyes, earnestly looking into mine, softened. “I know you wouldn’t abuse our love. I love you, my Davey baby, and your happiness, your pleasure, your life with me is all that matters to me. Do you understand me?” And she gave my face a little shake with her hands.
“Do you understand me, lump? I was wrong. I made a mistake. I hope I don’t do that very often, but this time I made a mistake in expecting something from you, and from Toni, which was right at the time but isn’t right now because things have changed. But I didn’t realise it until now. Lump, I love you with all my heart. You are the most important thing in my life but now Toni is important to me too, the same as she is to you. I want you to be inside her. I don’t want you to go back in there and fuck her cunt. I want you to go in there and love her, the same as you did to me last night.”
“I can’t love her the same as I love you!” I protested.
“I know, I know. I don’t mean that. But you love her in your own way, the same as I love her in my own way. Not like we love each other, no, but in our own way. So go to her and show her your love for her, your way.”
And she reached forward and kissed me between her cupped hands. “I want it for both of you,” she said. “Go to her and love her your way, and let her love you her way.”
I looked at her and had no words. What had I done to deserve a girl who could love me so fiercely and yet say those things to me? I didn’t know.
“I love you,” I began.
“And I love you,” she interrupted. “And nothing’s changed between us. Nothing at all. But we have changed because we love our Toni-girl as well now.”
She was still holding my face and she shook it again.
“She’s in that room alone, feeling lonely, sad, probably rejected and certainly as guilty as hell. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s packing her bag! Now go to her!”
And she dropped her hands to my shoulders, spun me round and marched me to the door, opened it and thrust me out of the kitchen.
I went to the bedroom. It was empty.
“Shit!” I said, and went to the spare room. The door was closed but I opened it without knocking. Toni was collecting her toiletries from the dressing table and dropping them in her bag on the bed. I stood in the doorway and looked at her.
“I think I’d better leave,” she said.
“No, don’t! Please! Please don’t leave!” I said.
She shook her head and continued to drop items into the bag.
“I should. I feel awful. I’ve broken my promise to you and to Tanya. I’ve caused a row between you and that was the last, the very last thing I ever wanted to do. It was selfish of me to do what I did. It was just that moment and I wanted…….” She trailed off, looking at me. “It was wrong. It was selfish and wrong and I wish I hadn’t done it but it’s too late now. I did it and now this has happened and I’m sorry that I did it.”
“Toni, you haven’t caused a row. It’s okay now. I’ve spoken with Tanya and what she said, she meant. It’s okay now.”
But Toni shook her head again and looked down at her little bag of things.
“Even if she meant it,” she answered softly, “that isn’t the point. The point is that I’ve upset you and I’ve upset Tanya --”
“No, you haven’t!” came Tanya’s voice and she appeared from where she’d been standing, out of sight beside the doorway. She pushed me aside and went to Toni.
“No you have not upset me! I was upset with myself. I told you. Don’t go Toni. Please! I’m begging you, please don’t leave us. Stay with us for the rest of the weekend, as we planned and wanted.”
She took Toni’s hands in hers.
“I want you to stay. I want to do more things with you and Davey.
Davey wants you to stay. We love you, little Toni-girl and I’m begging you again, please don’t go.”
Toni looked from her to me, then back again at Tanya. She shook her head once more.
“I can’t,” she said. “I feel so bad about this. It’s all my fault. And Tanya, understand, it wasn’t Davey. He didn’t let you down. It was me. I just wanted your man in me and I made it happen and so it’s my fault. Not his at all.”
“Now listen to me,” Tanya said, and she pulled Toni down onto the bed where they sat, side by side.
“Listen to me, very carefully,” she repeated. “Nothing has changed between Davey and me. Nothing. Do you understand? Our love for each other is as strong and untainted and absolute as it ever was. But now each of us loves you too. Not like we love each other, no. But we love you very much in our own way. We do not want you to leave. We want you to stay, and enjoy our love for you, enjoy the pleasure that we want to give you. And perhaps even more importantly, we want to feel the love that you have for us, the love we’ve felt from you already.”
She looked up at me, and back to Toni again.
“I saw your face after we’d made love. I heard you when you wished for Davey to love you the same way. You said ‘someone’, but I know you wanted Davey to be in you and love you like he did me. Give you the same feeling. The same loving feeling. Of being loved.” She paused and looked at Toni’s face.
“He can’t love you like that Toni-girl. He can’t even if he wanted to because he doesn’t love you the same way he loves me, but he loves you in his own way and he can love you in his own way. And I love you in my own way. And we do not want you to leave. Please?”
And she threw her arms round Toni’s neck and pulled her close and sat there, hugging Toni and saying nothing more. There was a silence as Toni looked at me over Tanya’s shoulder.
“You really want me to stay?” she asked softly.
“Yes,” I told her. “I do, very, very much.”
And almost at the same time, Tanya said, “Yes, I want you to stay. I want to love you. I want to feel your love. I want to see and hear and feel your love for Davey and his for you. Stay.” She spoke the last word very softly.
And eventually Toni gave a little nod. “I didn’t want to go,” she said. “I wanted to stay but I thought I shouldn’t.” She paused and then asked in a very quiet, tremulous voice, a whisper, as if she was frightened to speak,
“But what happens if I want Davey again? If I can’t control myself again and I ---”
And Tanya released her hug and held Toni’s shoulders in front of her and spoke to her eyes, quietly but with unmistakable truth in her voice.
“You will want Davey again. I know it and Davey knows it. And when you do, he will be there. And you will have him, just the way you want. You will love each other and pleasure each other and he will be right inside you, where you want him, for as long as you want him. D’you hear me? And I will be there too, and I will watch, or touch, or kiss or do anything I can to make that time that he is inside you as special for you as I know you want it to be.”
So saying she stood up, pulled Toni to her feet, took my hand and put it in Toni’s and pushed us towards the door.
“Now for heaven’s sake go to the bedroom and fuck each other while I go and make breakfast!”
And all that without saying a word about Toni calling me Davey.
She vanished back into the kitchen and I led Toni to our bedroom. But we didn’t fuck. We sat on the bed and Toni looked at the door, to where the sounds of pots, pans and other breakfasty sounds were coming.
“Can she mean it?” she asked me. “Does she really, really mean that we can f- make love like you two did?”
I nodded. “Make no mistake,” I said. “She means it.”
“But –she’s incredible,” Toni said. “She’s so understanding. She’s unbelievable.”
“Now you know,” I said.
“And she’s so right,” Toni went on as if she hadn’t heard me. “About how I felt, about how I wanted you to make love to me, not just…….” she trailed off and then looked at me.
“Will you still want me?” she asked in that wistful voice.