This is an old poem about someone that I used to care about a lot. Haven't seen him in years.
My heart you break with every word.
Stomping on my emotions like bugs.
Not caring what happens when you hurt me.
Not caring that you might be causing me pain.
Not caring for anything but your pride.
Content to break my heart.
Want to tell you how it hurts but not knowing how.
Knowing if I do youíll just laugh at me.
Knowing that you donít care about me even a little.
Itís my own stupidity that keeps me coming back,
My own stupidity that keeps me crying.
Wishing you cared just enough not to hurt me.
I even find myself wishing that Iíd never met you at all.
But knowing that my life would be empty without you.
Your smile can brighten my life when nothing else can.
Remembering things youíve said to me, my heart breaking anew.
Tears filling my eyes unbidden when no one sees.
To ashamed to admit that I love you when loves not returned.
The pain filling my heart until it pulls tight in my chest.
My body shakes with grief.
Knowing that the pain is my own fault.
Letting you get to me when I know you donít care.
Knowing that you donít like the fact that I like you.
You donít even begin to realize how deep my feelings run.
I doubt you could imagine how much I love you.
How I long to touch your body, kiss your lips,
To get to know you even better then I already do.
Thinking of things Iíve said and done in the past,
Wishing I could forget or have never done them.
No ones got as far under my skin as you have.
No ones ever hurt me as much as you have.
No one makes me feel as low.
Yet again at times no one makes me fly as high.
If you ever gave me a chance I can guarantee youíd be happy.
No maybe not forever but as long as I could,
Iíd try to make sure you were.
But no chance can I see now or ever
When I look at you I want to touch you.
When we talk one on one I want to reach out and touch your face.
To run my hands across your beautiful face.
If I get to touch you at all I always yearn for more.
Your laugh a thing I enjoy to hear.
At times I think we are too much alike.
At others to different to ever mesh.
I try to look at others but you keep pulling me back.
I donít think you can ever begin to imagine how deep my feelings go.
To even scratch the surface is to cause a flood.
I think I could make you happy.
I think youíd be surprised at how far Iíd go to keep you happy.
I canít stand to see you frown even for a moment.
But you live to make me cry.
Even if you donít get to see the tears fall.
To show you how deep my feelings go Iíve tried.
But between the lines you never read.
Dozens of feelings have I molded into rhyme.
But never do you acknowledge their meaning.
I can never tell if you know or if youíre just ignoring the fact.
Others may catch my eye but theyíve not got what youíve got.
They canít keep my attention for long..
But you I could sit and watch for hours at a time.
Watching you strut like a stallion.
Laughing at the silly things you do.
I keep wishing youíd just give me even a half a chance with you.
I think youíd be pleasantly surprised.
Iíd treat you like a man not a boy.
But trust me I know youíre a man.
Full grown and handsome to see.
Anger - I can never stay mad at you for long.
Even as I sit and think about it, it disappears completely.
Only the pain itís caused remains.
Never will I tell you how soft I really am.
Never will I tell you how badly it hurts.
As you break my heart time and time again.
Until the pieces no longer will mend.
Until there is nothing left of my heart except dust.