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  1. #1

    Roses & hanging baskets?

    A teenage granddaughter
    comes downstairs for her date
    with this see-through blouse on and no bra.
    Her grandmother just pitched a fit,
    telling her not to dare go out like that!
    The teenager tells her
    'Loosen up Grams.
    These are modern times.
    You gotta let your rose buds show!'
    and out she goes.
    The next day the teenager comes down stairs,
    and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on.
    The teenager wants to die.
    She explains to her grandmother
    that she has friends coming over
    and that it is just not appropriate....
    The grandmother says,
    'Loosen up,
    Sweetie.
    If you can show off your rose buds,
    then I can display my hanging baskets.

  2. #2
    How to kill an eel.

    A little boy had been hearing about courting from the other boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. He took his questions to his mother who became very flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boy friend. This he did and the following morning Johnny described everything to his mom.

    Sis and her boy friend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started to kiss and hug her. I figured sis must have been getting sick because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart just like the doctor does, except he isn’t as smart cause he seemed to have trouble finding her heart.

    I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them were panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been getting cold cause he stuck it up under sis’s skirt. About this time sis moved down to the end of the couch with a fever, I know cause she said she was so hot.

    I finally figured out what was making them so sick. A big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow; it jumped out of his pants and was at least nine inches long. Honest! Anyway he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When sis saw it she got real scared her eyes got big and her mouth fell open and she started saying “oh God, oh God” and stuff like that. I should tell her about the one I saw down at the lake.

    Anyway sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she made a noise and let the eel go. I guess it bit back. She grabbed the head with both hands and held tight while he got took out a muzzle and put over its head to keep from getting bit again.

    Sis lay back on the couch and spread her legs so she could get a scissors lock on the eel, and he helped by lying on top of the eel. The eel put up one hell of a fight. Sis started moaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they were trying to kill the eel by squashing it between them.

    After a while they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boy friend sat up and sure enough they had killed the eel. I knew it was dead because it just hung there limp and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her boy friend were a little tired after the battle, but they went on courting. He started hugging and kissing her again and by golly that eel wasn’t dead after all, it jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels is like cats, they have nine lives or something.

    This time sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it. After thirty-five minutes of struggle they killed the eel. I know it was dead because I saw the boyfriend peel off the skin and flush it down the toilet.

    MOTHER FAINTED!!

  3. #3
    Administrator Blue Story Forum Perverts
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    great contribution thanks
    ;om It's nice to be important but it's more important to be nice!!!;om

    ;om And just remember there is no rehearsal for life.;om



    Other stories wot I writ....
    There are too many titles of stories wot I have writ to list here but if you click on my name and then select all posting by this person you will be able to see all my work.

  4. #4
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    Lol! What a crack-up! Thanx for that!
    We may be human, but we're still animals.;co>

  5. #5
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    hilarious

  6. #6
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    Here's one:

    There once was a little boy who was celebrating his 11th birthday.

    He decided to test his family to see if they remembered his birthday, so he goes downstairs to his father. "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today", the boy said.

    The father has no clue and finally gives up. "I'm eleven!" the boy exclaims.

    Next he goes in the kitchen, walks up to his grandma, and says, "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today".

    "Let me give it a guess", grandma says and sticks her hand in his trousers.

    She plays with his testicles for about an hour or so (squeezing them; moving them back and forth), takes her hand out of his trousers, and says, "You're eleven years old".

    "How did you know?" the boy asked.

    Grandma replied, "I heard you tell your father".

    No-one knew Grandmas could be so dirty, did they? lol
    We may be human, but we're still animals.;co>

  7. #7
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    dirty old grandmas need it too

  8. #8
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    There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench.

    The little girl says, "Mummy, what are they doing?" The mother hesitates then quickly replies, "Ummm they are making cakes."

    The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, "Making cakes."

    The next day the girl says to her mother, "Mummy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the lounge last night, eh?" Shocked, the mother asks, "How do you know?"

    She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."
    We may be human, but we're still animals.;co>

  9. #9
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    hehehe oooooh

  10. #10
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    Yeah, I know, a bit disgusting. But then, why else would you read them? lol.

    A truck driver picks up a woman hitch hiker on the side o the road.

    He pulls over on the side of the road a few blocks down and the woman asks him what he is doing? He asks her if she wants to have sex? She says "I can't I'm on my period."

    He says "That doesn't matter."

    So they get in the back of the cab and he is eating her out.

    A police officer drives by and sees the truck rocking.

    So he gets out and knocks on the door of the truck.

    The truck driver opens the door and asks if he can help the officer.

    The officer asks him what he is doing? He says liking his fingers "Eating Pizza!"
    We may be human, but we're still animals.;co>

 

 

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